What could be better than a record including Muhammad Ali, Frank Sinatra, somewhat famous cartoon voices, and even narrated by Howard Cosell? One that also includes Muhammad Ali singing about and fighting Mr. Tooth Decay!! That’s right, this baby is a gold mine… a gold mine God Dammit!! This is a rather rare record to find today, and once you hear it, you’ll start to think that’s the way they wanted it to be. This is one strange trip kids. I mean, I think Muhammad Ali is one of the greatest boxers of all time, but the Ali worship that goes on in this record is borderline cult-like.Just one listen to the opening theme should be enough to convince you that something’s a tad asque. It sounds to me like they are trying to apologize for the boxing commission stealing his title, and suspending him for over 3 years when he claimed conscientious objector status during the Vietnam war. Just listen to this Ali worshiping (and awfully sung, is that a word?) opening theme, and you tell me:  

Opening Theme   

The story starts out on a “warm sunny day” with a group of kids hanging out in their club house, trying to decide what to do different for the summer.  Apparently, all they do every summer is swim, hang out in the woods, and make blueberry pies..(I’m not kidding folks). They argue for a little bit (these are some strange sounding kids) trying to decide what the hell to do, when Howard Cosell informs us of an intruder creeping around their club house……..aaah shit, its Mr. Tooth Decay, and his sidekick Sugarcuber! He’s all nervous hiding from someone chasing him with a toothbursh, or so he says.

Just then, a couple of the kids on the way to the clubhouse run into Muhammad Ali wandering around the neighborhood. Its was him chasing Mr. Tooth Decay with his toothbrush, but the kids don’t have time to listen, and run back to the clubhouse as Ali follows. Once Ali arrives, they kids go crazy, and start chanting and getting his autograph (sounds weird when the kids all chant “ooh he’s soo big and handsome..wow!”). Apparently the clubhouse is filled with chickens and dogs as well. Ali then proceeds to tell them about his biggest fight yet…..the fight with Mr. Tooth Decay!……….. 

 (Lets have a listen shall we?)

Part 1   

What!? Who could Ali want them to meet? Well, before we find out, Mr. Tooth Decay hatches an evil plan with the help of Sugarcuber, involving ice cream, cookies, the clubhouse and spoons of crack cocaine. In the meantime, Ali and his new “gang” find a store and the kids want some damn ice cream. Jesus, don’t these little bastards realize Ali is fighting Mr. Tooth Decay? I mean a little common sense wouldn’t kill them here! But instead of smacking the kids teeth out, Ali is a little more patient, and talks the kids into waiting as he has something more delicious and healthy for them waiting with the mysterious stranger he wants them to meet. The store owner turns out to be Frank Sinatra, and gets all excited that Ali was in his store, and calls up some of his friends to brag about it. 

It turns out Ali had a bus parked down the street, and the kids all climb in and head to their unknown destination. As they approach they see cows, chickens, Screech from saved by the bell, etc. all living off the land, as Ali tells them that Mother Nature “sure is smart” nice one Ali… Then the kids finally step out when the bus stops, and meet the stranger Ali was telling them about….it’s Brother St. John! Whoever the fuck that is. Well, Brother St. John, tells them about eating healthy, and brushing like good little boys and girls…..

Part 2 

Meanwhile, back at the clubhouse where Mr. Tooth Decay, Sugercuber, and new friend Willie Plaque, are planting the candy, cookies and crack, all over the clubhouse for the kids to find. Then as the kids leave Brother St. John’s place armed with toothbrushes, a sore prostate, and new found knowledge for fighting toothdecay and plaque, Sugercuber, and Toothdecay get the hell out, so they don’t get caught. As Ali and his gang are driving back to the clubhouse, we are treated one more time to the Ali theme. 

They return and the kids see the candy and cookies and before you know it……..Awwwwwwwww shit! Andy runs into the joint first and is already eating a big ass piece of sugercake, and Kelly is hitting the crack pipe like a hooker after a long night…God Damn! Help Ali!

Part 3  

Looks like that dipshit Andy already has a cavity! Ali takes charge, and gets the kids running around de-candifying the place. They stick toothbrushes and dental floss all over the palce to keep Mr. Tooth Decay out, and out he goes. Mr. Tooth decay barley makes it, but he does with the help of Sugercuber, and they escape to fight another day. Andy gets his cavity filled, Kelly hits rehab, and Ali saved the day!

Part 4  

At the end we are treated to the big fight between Ali and Mr. Tooth Decay as Howard Cosell commentates! As the record ends Cosell names all the voice actors, and encourages kids to learn to brush! Well holy christ, what an afternoon.

Final Fight 

There you have it, a rare record, strange, but not too bad! I wish they would play things like this in my neighborhood, just the other day I saw a dude with 3 teeth eating a snickers bar, no shit. Anyways, Not a bad story, plus it has Muhammad Ali, and Frank Sinatra! Who could ask for anything more!

Until the next H.O.R. Review, remember brush at least 3 times a day, and don’t forget to floss!

Last week we found out about, and recieved, a magazine that has had us completley captivated by it since it’s arrival. Sure, we’re easily amused, and just the other day made a game at work out of a can of compressed air, a penny and the trash can, but that’s beside the point. The magazine we speak so highly of is called Cereal:Geek, and is produced by Busta Toons Productions. Busta Toons (James Eatock), who is well known for his animated short films, his He-man and She-Ra blog, and his long time involvement in all things He-Man, (Mattel even contacted him in 2001 to write a guide that influenced the 2002 Masters of the Universe series), seems to be the mastermind behind this magazine. Based on “Animation of the 80’s”, Cereal:Geek isn’t just a trip down memory lane, it’s more like a “behind the scenes” with an updated look into all of the greatest cartoons to ever grace your TV on a saturday morning.

Now, I’ll mention straight up, I usually don’t get into magazines all that much, and that is why this one is so great! I know Chris feels the same way when I say I literally just couldn’t put it down. Sure, I’m a huge fan of 80’s cartoons, I supose becasue I was a child in the 80’s and can remember growing up watching them constantly. But the main reason I love this mag, is not just the memory check, it’s the amazing illustration!

This mag is chock full of images that are so amazing, you just know alot of time must have went into them. From Transformers to Thundercats, they’re all here, in an upated fresh look that make these old cartoons “New” again! It’s like sitting down in front of the TV all over again on a Saturday morning watching an all new episode of Transformers, where Soundwave transforms into an MP3 player. What could be better than that?

(Guess who this is……here’s a hint, she’s the real reason Inspector Gadget solved any crimes at all.) 

To say just the images is what makes this so enjoyable, would be an understatement. There are complete articles to go with almost every image seen! Backstories, little facts thrown in you would have never known about your favorite cartoons, a “Toy advert test” to see if a particular cartoon was just a 30 minute toy commercial, and to numerous other sections to even list! One of our favorites has to be (not just becasue it has to do with music, but cartoon music of the 80’s …..God Damn!) an article entitled…. “Top Ten Cartoon theme songs of the 80’s!”…I mean, need I say more?

Needless to say, if you havent heard of this magazine, and you are a fan of 80’s cartoon, or just amazing art, you need to grab this up! In the words of Busta Toons in the opening editorial “If you loved hearing the sound of Megatron’s fusion cannon, Dungeon Master’s riddles, Mumm-Ra’s screams, and the power of Grayskull then this is the magazine for you!”

You can go directly to the website www.cerealgeek.com and order one there. They are $12.00, which really isn’t bad once you realize what you get, and how much work went into this thing. I’m not really sure if these are available in stores, or if they will be, so as of now I believe their website is the only place to cop one of these babies. This was the very first episode, so you won’t be missing any back issues.

There you have it, we purposefully left this review a little short as to not give away too much or show too much, since I don’t work for Busta Toons, I’m not sure how greatfull they would have been with me plastering articles and images all over the site. Anyways, pick this one up, you won’t be dissapointed!

To start off with, this baby just sticks out in my mind as a commercial that defined the 80’s…well sort of. Who knows,you might remember it as well. This Pepsi commercial aired sometime in the…. I’m guessing mid 80’s, but I could be wrong. Anyway, it takes place on a beach somewhere in “Huge sunglasses and feathered hairville”.

A raido can be heard informing everyone  “Listen…. it’s 92 degrees and climbing people….get off the fucking beach, go home, and by the way…Ferris Buler’s not cool anymore”. Just as this is happening, a mysterious white van can be seen driving (pretty quickly I must say) onto the beach, and stops smack dab in the middle of the sweaty, crazed beach goers. Now, normally when an unmarked white van rolls up on the beach going 45 MPH and suddenly parks beside you, most people would get their kids out of the area real quick, in fear of some perverted kidnaper/molester…. but not our care free, loving 80’s folk.

 (Is that Corey Haim and Adam Carolla?)

Nobody seems to care at all, as they go about their business loungng in bikini’s, or acting cool for the ladies, strutting around in their “Magnum P.I.” inspired short shorts. After the white van stops, we see a mysterious guy climb out and make for the sliding door on the side….hmmm, I wonder what he’s got in there….

(Note the cool srting attached to his glasses..)

Now, the thing to note here in the commercial is how “80’s” like he gets into his van. He just doesn’t open the side door, and enter by stepping in, this mother fucker hops up, grabs the top and swings in like nobody’s business. Check it out when you watch the video…..you know that shit took like 8 takes alone. Anyhow, he slides up in that bitch, and then we get to see just what this guy has inside the mysterious “Shaggin Wagon”.

What the hell? Who drives around with over $30,000 worth of recordiing equipment in the back of their van? Does he work for the F.B.I.? Is he on a sting?Beats me, but I did notice this dude seriously thinks he is ALOT cooler than he really is. You ever meet anyone like that? You feel bad about how dorky they are at first, but then they act like they’re Brad Pitt in a room full of Larry Appleton’s. Anyway he fiddels around in there for a few seconds, then he hits a switch, and holy shit guess what happenes next….

Speakers pop out of the roof!! That’s right folks, this dude really is cool! They raise up with a “bzzzz” sound that kind of reminds me of the old Short Circuit dude ”Johnny 5″, or some shit like that. After they raise up, we get another look inside dude’s van. He looks all serious now, with headphones on, and he has a microphone next to his pie hole. He’s looks like he’s about to tell everyone on the beach that an asteroid is 10 minutes away from Earth, and they are all doomed….

Just then, he raises something up…..what is it….what could it be….

Ahh, it’s a Pepsi. You know, I was never of big fan of pop, but I do miss the old glass bottles. They just seemed to taste better than plastic or aluminum, or maybe it was just me. Anyway, this guy seems to know just what he’s doing. He holds the Pepsi up too the microphone, and cracks off the cap! People on the beack start to lazily take notice of the sound, wondering what is going on. He then commences to pour the Pepsi into a glass right next to the mic, capturing all of it’s fizz and pop!

Now people are really starting to get interested! I’ll note that at this exact moment the most fucked up part of the commercial takes place…..

This. A dog….wearing some sort of umbrella made to keep the scorching sun out of his eyes, and head. Now, maybe it’s just me, but if it’s like 108 degrees, I probably wouldn’t force my terrier to the beach and make him lay in the sun, and then on top of that, completely degrade him by making him wear this redicilous thing. But hey, it’s the 80’s here, and people do that sort of thing… right? Anyway, the point is that people are all starting to turn there heads to see where the sound of cool refreshment is comming from, even the dog. After this, the guy the starts to drink the pepsi real slow like, savoring every “gulp” for the beach bastards to hear and salavate over…

Now every single hot, sweaty, sand encrusted, thirsty beach person is standing up looking very interested in how to get one of these magical drinks! And now comes the part I think I remember this commercial from the most. The guy finishes with one last “gulp” then smacks his dorky lip’s, proclaiming “Ahhh”, like he just shot his load over drinking a glass of Pepsi. 

Now, the hoards of beach bums are swarming towards his van…….just like he planned all along. You see, dorky he may be…but this guy is no schmuck. He had it all planned out from the beginning, as we can all see after he slides open the back of his van, uncovering shitloads of Pepsi cases, throws on a Pepsi hat, and asks with a sly grin..”Now, Who wants some?”

Nice one, Mr. “luring in all the thirsty people at the beach in 100 degree weather by drinking pop through a microphone and smaking your lips” Pepsi guy. Damn that was alot to type. The review can’t do it justice, you have to watch it in all it’s 80’s cliche glory. So here it is folks, enjoy.

Not to be outdone by Pepsi and the coolest guy on earth, Coke had a few surprises of its own in the 80’s! This next commercial will probably be very memorable to everyone, as I’m sure everyone remembers…..Max Headroom! First off, Max Headroom was already a somewhat popular character before the Coke commercials hit, but still most people remember him for the role of the “New” Coke spokesman personality. Headroom was ushering in the sweeter, newer version of coke that hit in 1985. As you might remember, or might not, the slogan was “Catch the wave!”. While this new version turned out to be a bad decision for Coke, Max Headroom remains the most memorable, and generated the most interest from viewers, than any other Coke spokesman. Enough of the history lesson, let’s get on with the commercial. 

It starts out in what seems to be the future, or maybe a parallel universe…sometime next week? A strange looking vehicle speeds by, maybe a futuristic garbage truck? As it speeds by it drops something out of the back…

 (I circled it John Madden style, for your convenience!)

It’s some sort of square box, that looks somewhat like a TV. After it’s dropped a long, strange looking antenna raises up out of it.

 

What could this be? Just what is going on here folks, a strange box, a weird shapped antenna….hmmm, those darn 80’s commercial scripts, always so mysterious! After the antenna raises, we see some kids on bikes riding around coming close to the strange boxed apparatus. As they pull up we get a close up of a couple of them as they look to see what is blocking thier path. This one in particular seems to be the leader of this crusty bunch of kids. 

As this happens, the mysterious box suddenly opens up to display a TV screen with some weird controls, and our favorite Coke character..

It’s Max Headroom! Now the kids don’t know this, and they were rightfully startled when Max turned on. He then announces himself in typical Max Headroom way..”This is M…M..M..M..Max Headroom”. In response, the leader of the “bike geeks” replies by saying “Max Headroom…what the fuck are you kidding me? How about I put my moon boot through your pixelated face bitch…I run these streets!”

But Max pays no attention to the kid, instead he notices a strange looking boy…or girl..we’ll call it a he/she. Well, this he/she is drinking a can of Coke, and Max Headroom seems to like this, as he states “Aaah…a Cokeologist…if Coke did that to you, may I suggest Pepsi?”

This starts the kids in a chatter proclaiming “He sees us!”. Max then reminds them “Where there’s a wave, there’s a Coke!”. The leader suddenly decides to like Max, as he states “I like him, I bet if I take him home I can trade him to my parents for some Meth…”

Max blurts out some quippy phrase, and then gets down to business. He starts into the whole reason coke has him on the air. ”You know kids, more people enjoy the taste of Coke to Pepsi?” This seals the deal to the Coke drinking gang of misfits, as a new face from the crew proclaims “Let’s take him home!” 

 (10 to 1 this dude is still single.)

They scoop Max up and begin to ride home with him strapped to one of their bikes. As they roll out, Max tells us one more time to “Become a Cokeologist”……..”Catch the wave!”

There you have it! A historical run in with the one and only Max Headroom! As stated before my shitty reviews can’t do it justice, so behold the real deal for yourself!

Our last commercial is another Pepsi commercial. I just realized that all three of these commercial’s were all about pop. Oh well, I’ll make up for it when we do another 3 commercials…..that is, if we do. This is seriously taking up to much time, I’ll have to speed this last one up, sorry folks. Anyway, this commercial seems to me to be Pepsi’s version, or copy of, E.T. I believe it came out at the height of E.T.’s popularity, and it shows directly in this one. It starts out with a kid trying to coax his dog over to him so he can buy a refreshment (either Coke or Pepsi as can be seen in the background pop machines).

The dog won’t come, and is acting funny. We then see a very bright light and a spaceship sounding noise and the wind picks up something fierce, as Rover starts to bark!

The wind is blowing and the kid is trying to look to see just what all the commotion is! Just then, we get a glimpse of what is causing the ruckus…

Holy shit, its a gigantic spaceship! I would be running my ass outta there if I was that kid, god knows what would happen if you would get sucked up into that bitch! But this kid, he is more of the curious type, and he watches to see what is going to happen next. The ship shines a light on the pop machines, and the buttons light up briefly, as the alien’s seem to be pondering how to decide what drink to get. Only one way to tell, they sample each one!

Wow, these aliens are brillant! Meanwhile the kid and his dog are looking on bravley trying to see what flavor the beings from another galaxy prefer…

The choice is fairly obvious, as the alien’s suck up the Pepsi Machine right into their ship! The kid is soo thrilled with this, he can’t hide his emotions as he smiles after the Pepsi machine gets lifted out of the area! In a final attempt to communicate with these alien’s, the kid raises his Pepsi can in a kind of universal Pepsi “salute” as the alien’s speed off, only to circle back around and photon blast the kid to all hell. 

What you don’t believe me?  Check it out for yourselves folks! 

Well there you have it, another installment of 80’s commercials! These awlays seem to bring out the memories! By the way, anyone wanting to help contribute to this ridicilous site, hit us up!

Well, this week’s H.O.R. review is all about answering machine recordings, and the strange messages some people leave. What we have here folks is pure, raw, uncensored, American comedy and despair at its finest. This record is packed full of real answering machine messages of people from all walks of life, that show just how brilliant someone was to put this LP together. From a chick strung out on drugs, to a Hilljack trying to record his answering machine message while his family keeps interrupting, it’s all here folks!

Now, who put this record out, we have no idea, as it’s just marked with a P.O. box address. All we know is, you just can’t stop listening to this thing! It’s fascinating in a kind of ”Jerry Springer’s on…..I know I should change the channel..but I just can’t” sort of way. Whoever put this LP out did a great job. From the throwback cover image of a woman on the phone who looks like shes calling to order a pizza from a double wide somewhere in Alamaba, to the old school answering machine image on the back. This baby just screams ”Buy Me!”, and holy shit are we glad we did! I Can’t really recall where or when we acquired this LP, but for some reason we put off listening to it until a few weeks back. But when we did, we knew we had an instant classic on our hands!

                                             (I used to have a machine like that!)

This baby is chock full of surprises! Once we slid out the LP of the century, we noticed the quality image theme is not only limited to the outer packaging, take a peep at side A of this record!

Look at that! Little answering machine cassettes all lined up just for you! The more I look at this thing, I realize it’s a really good concept. Dressing up the record all old school like, and having all these answering machine messages on it. The one thing I don’t understand is how the hell did the people who put this out, get the actual messages? I mean, did they advertise “Send amusing answering machine tapes here…”, or maybe they worked at a company way back in the day that did service repair to the machines, and had a shitload of tapes piled up that people left there? Beats me, but this baby’s a goldmine! Now, enough chitter chatter, lets get on to side A shall we?

The best way to do this is to give you the best messages on side A, and then over to side B. See, in between the good ones, there are alot of fillers that just are not funny or anything else, so instead of just giving you the whole side to listen to, this way seems to be the best. Keep in mind some may be very short (seconds), and some may be longer.

So, without further ado, we present………………………………………

Hilarity and Despair (American answering machine tapes Vol.1)

Side A 

 Bobby Dale     

I can just picture the scene when this dude tries to record his message. A shit load of kids running around his trailer, knocking over his 2 liter of “Dr. Pop” filled with Skoal spit, getting him all pissed off causing him to sweat and stain up his nice wife beater, and break his “Coolness”. After finally recording a good one, he decides to celebrate, and loads up the kids and wife into his 86′ IROC-Z and heads to Perkins for their “Anytime” french toast. Or not….have a listen and you decide.

Randall    

This Randall guy is is getting yelled at all over the place… from his girlfriend of 4 long years, and even his other girlfriend of god knows how long. Man, an honest guy just can’t catch a break. On a side note, someone should help this guy out and tell him not to date crazy women….and then cheat on them…with….crazy women. 

Pickin’ beans   

I always wanted to live next to someone who sounded like this..the conversations would be soo interesting….

More higher than a kite  

Holy Shit is all I can say. This chick is fucked up with a capital “God damn!”. It’s hard to even make out what the hell she is talking about, but if you listen real close in the background you can hear a band getting down complete with a mouth harp, whisky jugs and a 2 string banjo! I bet somewhere close by, a man with webbed fingers is trying to duck tape the confederate flag on the back of his ford pickup truck window . Yee fucking Haw! 

My little song  

Pretty funny with a real surprise ending… like the Sixth Sense!

Side B 

                                      (Side B, look at that, even more tapes!)

Tickle me Elmo    

Hard to tell if this is a woman or a man, but I’m going to say a man. Sounds like he’s pissed because his mother won’t answer the phone and lend him the $7.00 he needs to complete his Elmo collection (but he says it’s for his mom, come on we know the truth here). He hangs up real quick like after trying to make her feel bad about not answering. I’m sure his mom was really home, but she just wants him to get out of her life, move out of the basement, and take the Meth lab with him. 

Snook  

This has to be the most annoying lady I have ever heard in my life. No words to describe it really…just listen.. 

Terry  

Terry has got some pissed of, and weird parents, who like to call him every few seconds and yell into the phone for him to pick up. I mean, if I was Terry, I wouldn’t pick up either, just listen to these freaks… 

Country ass secretary  

I swear this dude’s voice is really that low! I didn’t mess with the pitch on my turntable, its real… 

Eric    

I think we all know someone like this, the “friend” who no one really likes, that calls, and calls, and calls, and never gets the hint. I used to know a guy just like that (we’ll call him Fred), and it took 2 years of not answering for him to finally quit calling and leaving messages. Funny thing is, when he would call we would always have friends over, and at the time, I had caller ID. As soon as we knew it was him everyone would go into a frenzy yelling “Oooh shit Fred’s calling…hide! Be quite dammit!” like he could actually see and hear us through the phone. Then everything was quiet and everyone would listen as Fred would ask “You home man?……You there?……” and then proceed to leave a 12 minute message about his day as we all sat back and laughed. Aaaahh….the good old days.   (Name changed to protect the innocent, as it is believed “Fred” commited suicide years later).  

One of you sluts  

Is this LuAnn from King of the Hill? 

Well, there you have it. Some funny, some weird, and some leave you wanting to know just what the hell the whole story was. From Good ol’ Bobby Dale, to the stalker friend who we all know that just won’t stop calling in “Eric”. I still wish I could remember when or where we got this LP, but I just can’t put it together. Oh well.

“Pick up Pick up Pick up Pick up Pick up Pick up……………guess you aint there.”

First off, as you can tell, it looks alot different. I know the NES looks good, but this shit is straight PIMP! Complete with slots to hold the controllers when you’re done playing, plus its got that nice red and white color scheme. The only problem I can see with it, is the controller cords are connected to the machine, and are waaay too short. But I did see somewhere on ebay someone selling wireless controllers for it, so that would help. “But where do the cartridges go?” you ask?

You lift up that red flap, and behold, you slap those cartridges right in there! It seems a little odd to have a cartridge sticking out of the top of it, but actually I think it looks pretty cool. Also, since this bitch is straight outta Japan, you get some cool Japanese slang instructions yelling shit at you like “What the fuck round eye, the power button is right here!” And speaking of cool shit, we were pretty surprised to find something on one of the controllers…..

A microphone?? Sounds pretty cool, and when we hooked this baby up to our tv, you could talk into this thing and it really worked! The volume slider was actually smooth, and didn’t even pop or hiss like we suspected it might. Now, we can only assume, but Nintendo must have either made, or had plans to make a game that would respond to your voice somehow. And way back in the day like that, that’s pretty innovative. 

Now, cartridges aside, this thing has another part to it that lets you add another format of game bliss to your collection. Disks! That’s right, Nintendo made an add on called the “Disk System” that would allow you to hook it up to your Famicom, and play disks on it!

Consisting of two parts, the adaptor that plugs into your Famicom, and the Disk drive itself, this is one sexy beast! Games like The legend of Zelda or “The Hyrule Fantasy” as its known in Japan, actually started out only on the disk system. The key to collecting the disks, is that the disk’s were only available in Japan, and some were a little different when they were released in the states on a cartridge. We were pleased to find that this bitch fires right up and works without a flaw! 

As you can see, the disks are nice looking too. The detail in the little Japanese booklets is amazing as well. They come complete with stickers, and a shit load of images and instructions. Too bad I can’t read a lick of Japanese.

God Damn son! Look at those titles! Zelda, Super mario 1 & 2, Metroid, some weird ass pink unicorn looking thing with green legs, now that’s a collection! Now disks aside, this thing is looking pretty cool already, but wait till you see this….

Oh snap! Its a Super Mario Bros. 2 Disk case! With a four disk capacity, nice yellow color, this thing was a steal when we got it! It was brand new too, no joke, still in shrink wrap packaging! Now we can carry our disks around in style! You might as well buy some condoms now, cause when you pop this out of your glove box when you have some chick in your car on a date and it says “Its a me…Mario” ….its a sure bet your getting laid later!

Now, last but not least, we ran into this deal and didn’t even know what we were getting. Diskun, is (or was) the mascot/logo for the Disk system. It turns out that Nintendo ran some contests in Japan where the winners would recieve a Diskun case and gold disk prize inside! Kind of makes me think of a Japanese Charlie and the Chocolate factory for some reason. From what I understand, the contest included various games, and the winner was the person with the highest score, fastest time, etc. Apparently only a small (10,000 I think?) number of these exist, and they are somewhat rare. Now we knew nothing of this when we picked this thing up for less than a number 1 value meal at McDonalds, or we would have been alot more excited! Only after doing some research on the net did we find out what we had recieved….

Its Diskun, with a gold Golf disk inside! For some reason we couldn’t get the gold disk to play. Oh well, it was Golf anyway.We are still happy about our deals and lets finish up by saying that the Famicom was already owned, but the disk system was aquired cheap off ebay, and games and Diskun from a flea market, and the Super Mario 2 case from ebay! All pretty damn cheap! We mainly collect records here, but shit, we love old school video games, and couldn’t pass these deals up! Also, after checking around on the net how to hook this thing up we found a prety cool site called Famicom World and the forums were really helpful. If you’re in the same boat (we had to get a voltage converter to run it in the states, etc.) check them out for useful tips and reviews, etc.

Well there you have it, we just had to share what we were excited about, and on a side note our next Hall of Records review is going to be about a certain video game character I’m sure you all know, so keep checking back!

-Chris 

That’s right, Count Chocula is going to Hollywood! Now, this story might not end in the Count becoming hooked on Meth, shaving his head in a mental rage (does Chocula even have hair?), or accidentally flashing his junk getting out of a limo, but hey, its still pretty entertaining in its own Monster family way. You know, I’ll admit, Count Chocula was one of my favorite cereals growing up, and I always had love for the Monsters in the commercials. So, to me, the big bonus here was the use of the original voice actors for Chocula, boo, and frankenberry. 

Without giving away too much, I’ll give you a quick summary of the plot for this fine piece of work. It seems Chocula is getting sick of laying around Monster Mansion, eating his cereal, giving Frankenberry sponge baths, and hiding Boo Berry’s hat. It seems he craves the life of a star, and wants his 15 minutes of fame in the spotlight, like any normal chocolate loving vampire would. He starts to tell his Monster friends about a contest he entered, more specifically, a “Monster look alike contest”, with the winner getting to star opposite of Clint Eastwood in a huge Hollywood western entitled “Haunted house on the range” (Alright, I made the whole Clint Eastwood thing up, but it would have been cool). Count explains that he looks just like his great great uncle Drac, who used to star in Hollywood movies, so he believes he has a very good chance to win, despite Frankenberry’s suspicious negativity. 

With a knock on the door from the mailman (after he runs away scared of the Monsters, dropping the letters all over the place), it turns out, Chocula won the contest and he really IS going to Hollywood! So the Monsters pack up, jump in the Monster Pinto and head out west. Upon arriving on the scene like Elton John at rainbow coalition meeting, Frankenberry is first out of the Pinto, and heads straight to the beach to work on his “tan” with Booberry. Chocula stays behind to book the Hotel and then heads to meet up with the director of the soon to be smash hit western. After some Hollywood lingo, Chocula finds out that his part was not what he expected, and he starts to get a little upset about it.

Frankenberry and Booberry show up a little later all pissed off because Booberry got all soaked up with water, and the “Beach whistle” some kids gave Frankenberry, was actually a plastic tampon applicator that washed up on shore. 

Without getting into any plot spoilers, they end up back at Monster Mansion, arguing about whose cereal is the best, and who can squish the most marshmallows in their ass cheeks.

So here you go, listen to this old master piece of fiction, but please note the bad audio quality could not be helped due to the record being a piece of cardboard that is over 25 years old. Enjoy!

There you have it! Keep in mind we have 2 more of these records, and the best one yet is when these guys hit up a Disco..so stay tuned!

After running FunKo for 7 years, he decided to step down and leave the wacky wobbler business (mabye he just got tired of those damn wobbler heads always nodding!). Soon after he left Funko, he started Flapjack Toys, which features two lines of spooky, and crazy vinyl figures. 

(Symptoms line “Dry Skin”)

The Symptoms line features 6 1/2″ figures that represent actual ”symptoms”. For instance, you can get anything from Itchy Scalp, to Shortness of Breath, to Depression. They all come in a prescription pill bottle that looks like it came from your local drug store complete with directions and warnings on the label. 

(Spooky Kooky line ”Von Becker”)

The Spooky Kookys line consists of 7″ figures that are more Halloween, or monster orientated.  Figures like “Von Becker”, a German dressed skeleton with a mug of beer, or “Roco”, a  skeleton gangster who look like he just robbed a safe holding a bag of money, make this line our favorite here at The Fresh Element. By all means check out the offical website here and you can see exactly what we are talking about.

Now that we have the background to this company covered, lets get on to what this article is all about…. the “Freaky Fright Club!”

What impresses us so much about Flapjack Toys, is it’s “retro” (for lack of a better word) approach to its fan club! Thats right this toy line actually has a fan club! Now this is no ordinary “Email us, and you’ll be entered into our system for updates on our products” bullshit. This bad mutha fucka is straight old school in every sense of the word! To join, the first thing we had to do was print out the membership order form, fill it out and than find an envelope. Thats right, you mail this bitch in, no email or all that fancy schmancy crap. Slap the stamp on, include $15.00 (well get to why you include the money) and mail it. This sort of reminds me of when I would mail in $2.00 for a whoope coushin, or fake thumb, from old magazines like “Johnson smith” and shit. Then we waited. Thats always the fun part, and Mike Becker must know this to have a fanclub of this caliber. 

Now when we finally got our package in the mail a few weeks later, we were exicted, and ripped the thing open like a spoiled kid on Christmas. Heres what we found:

 (Ivan)

It’s Ivan, the Spooky kooky’s mascot in all his glory! Check out the cool box art and packaging!

The side of the box goes into detail about the history of the “Spooky Kooky’s”. Aparently the Spooky Kooky’s was going to be a cartoon show in the 70’s but it had some raunchy humor, and was recast as a watered down version renamed the “Groovy Goolies”.

Upon removing Ivan from his package he just sort of stared at me like “The fuck you lookin at?”.

This guy is pretty funny looking, but in a cool sort of way. Just don’t expect to have this dude sitting on your computer desk when your girl comes over and think you’ll get laid over it. But I could be wrong, you never know. 

Now thats not all you get in this membership kids, thats right, you get more. You also get the offical “Freaky Fright Club” membership card!

 (membership card and sticker)

Thats right your very own membership card! Not one of those cheezy thin paper kind either, this bitch is thick like cardboard! It will state your name, date it was issued, your member number (we’re number 76) and is signed by Mike Becker himself. God Damn I say, what a deal! Not only that, but you’ll also recieve a free Ivan sticker (look in image above)! Now I know what you’re thinking. “Guys, there can’t possibly be anything else?” But there is! You also get a Flapjack Toys pin to wear on your shirt out at the bars, or on the street, or just lounge around your house in. My apologies I have no picture of this, it fell off somewhere, and I was never able to find it again. Mike Becker really knows how to do this right, as we were impressed, and it brought back memories of waiting for that one awesome thing you ordered as a kid, waiting for weeks checking the mail everyday to see if it was there until it finally came. 

But anyway, you can see how much is included in this fan club, and just how cool it is. So there you have it, The “Freaky Fright Club” joined, reviewed, and posted for your viewing pleasure. 

And we will post them up on our site, just for you, that’s right, because our users are special to us goddammit! So remember this when Christmas rolls around and we’re asking for donations to keep the site going like a PBS telethon.Now some of these videos might not be the best quality, but for commercials that are around 20 years old or even older, its actually not bad. We’ve gone through our collection and we attempted to pick out three of what we thought were the best, or at least most memorable of all. Now rest easy loyal TFE users, we will have more posted as the weeks go by, so if by chance you didn’t see your favorite childhood Pepsi commercial, you probably will sooner or later! So enough with the intro, lets get right into the commercials of yesteryear! But seriously, we were not kidding about the donations…..

Roland’s fruity goodness

It’s Roland, and he’s here to educate us about Fruit Roll Ups and Fruit Wrinkles! I don’t know about you, but I just love stop-motion animation. I love the fact that in the 80’s there were a lot more claymation, and stop-motion ads, as 3d Computer modeling wasn’t what it is today, and I’m sure it would have cost a lot more to try and do. Lately it seems as if any animation studio will put out a movie made with computer animation, throw in some animals, and presto, instant hit. Well fuck that, this is the real shit folks, claymation! I’ll bet it took weeks just to make this 30 second commercial, and it’s actually not bad.
I remember this ad from way back in the mid 80’s, and it was actually a favorite of mine then too. A break from the norm of everyday commercials, this was like a mini stop-motion movie! It starts with Roland, who is voiced by a real kid talking about fruit roll ups, and wrinkles, trying to explain them in his kid like way, saying things like “These are Fruit Wrinkles, their kinda small, but taste really big!”. The real treat is the animation that constantly changes as Roland takes us on a ride of fruit flavored fun!

Roland seems to know what he’s doing as he makes statements like “Their big and flat, and you can twist them, and tear them” while he demonstrates with his Fruit Roll Up like a true professional. Then he heeds the warning “but with real fruit, that would be really messy!”. Nice one Roland, I’ll take your word on it! But some folks don’t be taking this kid seriously yo! There is always a few in the bunch! Actually three. Now for some reason, maybe because they are secretly pissed that Roland gets to star in the commercial being a 3rd grader and all, but these grown-ups actually want to try and test Roland’s complex theory about twisting and bending real fruit. I was a little surprised by the one on the right, looking like he was trying to be cool and all, why would he challenge Roland? He seems to enjoy it as he smiles trying to twist and tear his grapes apart.

They twist and tear until finally………………………………………………………………………………

Wooo weee! The high point of the whole commercial! They should have listened to Roland, now they are covered in a big sloppy fruit mess, serves them right, the bastards! Roland continues like nothing happened, being the true professional he is, and goes on to say “Fruit Roll Ups, and Fruit Wrinkles are made with real fruit”…*gasp*, you mean real fruit? This shit might actually be good for me? I don’t believe it! But wait, its Roland’s mom! Oh shit, she vouches for it, it must be true! It’s weird, but when his mom vouches for the “Real Fruit” inside each Roll Up and Wrinkle, Roland magically grows a halo.

Roland continues to say that “When they put in the fruit, they put in the fun too!”, and with a fairy like giggle , Roland’s out. Somehow I picture the 3 grown ups running over after the filming stopped, giving Roland hugs, sobbing that they disobeyed him asking for forgiveness. But maybe that’s just me. Oh well, it is a fun 80’s calymation commercial you might or might not remember. Check it out in it’s fruity entirety!

After These Messages…….

Now I know we said commercials….but…these are pretty close, and should really bring back some Saturday morning memories! If you never watched Saturday morning cartoons in the early 80’s, than you either are too young to remember, or are just plain deprived. I used to love Saturday morning cartoons when I was a kid, and I watched them alot. So, I remember these very well, and they actually brought a smile to my face when I first saw them again. I’m pretty sure it will do the same for you if you ever were a fan of Saturday morning television. These “After these messages” slots appeared on ABC in the mid 80’s, telling you to stay tuned because your favorite cartoon or show would be right back “After these messages”. They ranged from three singers trading heads, to a cowboy strumming his guitar, to a fire hydrant pissing on a dog, and we’ve got them all! Like I mentioned in the last commercial review, stop-motion was big in the 80’s, and it was used in a lot of things from commercials to these Saturday morning shorts. I really wish it would come back, I’d rather watch something like Wallace and Grommit than fucking Hood Winked! Actually, Robot Chicken satisfies my stop-motion animation urges pretty good, but still…alright back to the topic at hand.
To save you (and me) a long drawn out review, I will post these straight up for your viewing and memorable pleasure, as we present ABC’s Saturday morning “After these messages” spots!

Possibly the most Ironic Pepsi commercial ever!

Oooooh shit! You thought you were going to just sit back and watch some commercials from the 80’s that might bring back some memories right? Indeed you are, and this probably will, but low and behold you stumbled into the king of all 80’s commercials, the mother-load of all jokes, the commercial that rings a little too true following recent events, the commercial that stars……a young adolescent boy actually searching out Michael Jackson!! Its true, its true. I had to include this even over the Pepsi commercial where Michael burns his head! Now, first let me say, I used to think Michael Jackson was cool. I mean, girls loved this guy! Plus he had the moon walk, the side slide, popin and lockin like nobody else at the time in the music business, he seemingly had it all. I’m sure watching this commercial back then, I might have even thought it was cool.
Fast forward about 2 decades later, and I can’t believe I even admitted that. This guy has been getting in more trouble diddling kids (or so the story goes), that you would figure he would either stop, or come up with a better plan. Now, who are we to judge, he may be innocent of these charges, as he usually pays his way out, and if some kid really got molested, why would they take the money and drop the case? But then again, why is he hanging with these kids in the first place, sleeping in the same bed as them? Who knows, it seems a little weird to me. Alright, I’m not here to bust on Michael, so lets get on with the review.

This came at a time when Pepsi and Coke were going at it head to head, and they both thought that the bigger stars that appeared in their commercials, the better. Michael did a couple of Pepsi commercials before this, and after, which I’m sure we’ll post for your viewing pleasure sooner or later. If he happened to be still signed on to do Pepsi commercials after the first diddle incident, I’m sure he was dropped faster than my left testicle when I hit 14. But, in this time era, he was the shit! This seemingly gave Pepsi a huge advantage over Coke.
This commercial starts out with a young kid we’ll now on refer to as Herby, wandering through an empty hallway (with a can of Pepsi, of course) looking for Michael. Never mind that the lights are out, and no one is in sight, he wants to talk to Michael in the dark when no one else is around, and goddammit that’s exactly what he’s gonna do! Now, how he got here is a bit of speculation on our part, but a shady tour manager leaving a trail of Jesus juice with notes saying “Michael Jackson is this way” comes to mind.

Herby eventually makes his way to Michael’s dressing room, filled with glittery jackets, mirrors, and all kinds of Michael Jacksony things. Herby looks like a kid in candy land. We soon find out Michael is performing out on stage, doing his trademark spins, and twirls.

After a few more dance flashes, a heeeeeee he and a shaamone..ah..ah, Herby finds a pair of Michael’s glasses. He quickly sets down his Pepsi can, and tries them on in the mirror, giving a smile of his approval.

After yet another dance flash of Michael on stage, Herby than takes a long hard look at one of Michael’s signature jackets, and apparently puts the bitch on, as in the next scene, after another dance flash of Michael on stage, he is spinning around in front of a mirror acting like Mr. Jackson himself. Now if I were Michael, I would be a little pissed some kid is in my dressing room going through my shit and god knows what else, but Michael is just a good guy all around, and as we’ll see, really doesn’t mind.

After the dress up party, we get one last shot of Michael on stage, but this time he looks to be wrapping it up, performing his final spin al la hat toss, but apparently he tosses the bitch so far and accurate, that it lands in his dressing room! Screw singing, this dude should have played center field for the Yankees!

Herby picks it up, acting like he’s somehow not surprised a hat flew into the dressing room from on stage, and gets ready to play dress up again, when all of a sudden………..dum da dum……. Michael appears in the doorway and asks “Do you think you could pick my penis out of a lineup?”

Now, any normal kid this day and age would hit the door like Carl Lewis, but back then, Herby didn’t know any better. He just looks at Michael and then busts into the most feminine, little girl giggle/laugh I have ever seen. I swear, if nothing else in the commercial stands out, this kids giggle will make you really wonder why he’s there. You know what, I will refrain from any more Michael bashing, because after all this, it’s just to easy, and we are a little classier than that, you know. So go ahead and watch this one and see the magic all for yourself!

Well there you have it! TFE’s first batch of 80’s commercials for your viewing pleasure. Hopefully they brought back some old memories, laughs, nightmares, whatever. Until next time…. remember………We’ll be right back after these messages, fellas grab your nut sacks, chicks squeeze your breasteses!